


She's All Yours

by O4amuse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Episode: s10e23 My Brother's Keeper, Gen, Mark of Cain, POV Dean Winchester, Season/Series 10 Spoilers, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4391048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/O4amuse/pseuds/O4amuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's thoughts when he wrote that last note for Sam and went to summon Death. </p><p>Mid Season 10 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's All Yours

**Author's Note:**

> There are two notes framing Season 10 - one at the beginning and one at the end. They both say pretty much the same thing.
> 
> http://40.media.tumblr.com/b35dc8cd48e90741dc78d087969f8d01/tumblr_inline_nnmx20VZdj1qkp7t7_500.png

I died years ago. But what’s dead ain't hardly ever allowed to stay dead in this family. I don’t blame Cas, not really. He was just following orders then. Here’s the thing, though - you don’t come back from Hell. You know that as well as I do, Sammy. It travels with you, infests your body and builds warrens behind your eyes. I ain’t the same guy I was going in. Too much Alistair’s creation. Never forget that. Daddy’s blunt little instrument got given a sharp edge. The demon’s been waiting under my skin for years - Cain’s mark was just the key that let it out.

I fucking hate mirrors.

If I’d been left in the Pit, the Leviathan would’ve kept their places. Bobby and Kevin might still be alive. Ellen, Jo… Charlie definitely would be. Cas wouldn’t be the broken, lost thing he is now. Sam… my Sammy… who knows, you might even have found a normal life. With a dog. I’ve done so much damage to the people I love, just because I wasn’t allowed to stay dead.

But really, it goes back further. Nearly took Tessa’s hand after the car crash. Dammit, Dad should’ve known not to deal. Not to give me the guilt of his death and the thousand others I failed during my bartered years. You and he always tore strips out of each other but he could've looked after you better than I did. I wonder if he can see what we’ve become. Would he hunt us now? Why doesn’t somebody hunt us?

I’m tired. Can’t remember not being tired. I’ve been waiting for the bullet or the blade so long. That kind of waiting wears a man down. When it comes, will you let me rest? At one point I thought so (and didn’t that burn, against all reason) but now I’m not sure. Don’t know how many more ways I can say it. You're supposed to be the smart one. Figure it out, little brother.

Here are the last two pieces of my rubbled heart. Take care of each other and let me go.

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving kudos! It makes writers happy. :-)


End file.
